bchangx

i can’t tell you how many times i’ve started writing this email…just wanting to make sure i can convey every memory i have of bernie. i suppose in the end, something shared is better than little tidbits left in my draft box, huh? when i think of bernie up in heaven chillin’ with the angels, it makes me so happy, even though we are left here with a hole. although words cannot change the state of things, i pray that you will be uplifted always. you and bernie have truly been shining stars…to me…and i know to so many others!

i remember sitting in church (ccfc) one sunday, and during annoucements, bernie got up to plug his giving seminar…he said, ‘you wanna know the difference between the nba and an ira?!’ ha ha ha. he made everyone laugh. but, it wasn’t just about laughing…with his life, he changed everyone’s too. he is the single reason i actually understand and appreciate giving, not only to the church but to others in different ministries. bernie supported me in my overseas mission trip to guyana, and also helped me be a good steward back home.

a random email from 6 years ago:

**************

here's what i would suggest:

25% in S&P 500
20% in large co. growth
10% in large co. value
20% in small co. growth
10% in small co. value
10% in international
5% in real estate
0% in stable value

this gives you a good mix of long term growth and current income needs.
with a heavy emphasis on stocks.  you don't have to put it all in one
place. you can split it up to however you want.

when i have time, i'll explain what it all means.

bernie

***************
you know, i look back on this email, and i still have no idea what it really means. growth, value, etc. but, bernie really cared about this…who else would spend the time to break down my stock options like this?! it still makes me smile to think of all the care he put into my life. b, i know you’re watching out for us!

because of bernie, we will never be the same again…

Lessons from Bernie

Bernie wasn’t here for very long (32 yrs) but he deeply impacted the lives of those who knew him. It was the way he lived his life and the way he chose his investments (in terms of people, $, time, energy, care, mentorship, education, etc). I didn’t even know Bernie very well, and yet somehow certain core values of his have been strongly instilled in me. I wrote out a list of “Bernie’s heart for ____” but what struck me is that it’s also “God’s heart for ____.” Bernie was always very aligned with God’s heart and helped me see tangibly and practically what those things were. Me –> see/experience Bernie activity –> understand the nature of God’s heart more fully. For example, Bernie had and God has:

1. a heart for financial stewardship – he taught me the basics of tracking, budgeting, and simple investments. a little bit of structure enables you to have alot more conscious choice in how you spend your $. (I remember being slightly annoyed at my parents for not teaching me these things first, and having to learn them from church instead!)

2. a heart for seeking God’s calling in vocation – he lead a seminar for recent post-grads and provided both theological and practical guidance. He also organized a dinner to connect us with older folks. I remember that first transitional year after college as being confusing and stressful. It helped to hear about other people’s career paths and to know that “it would all be OK.” (And I have Bonnie to thank for my very first job out of college.)

3. a heart for serving people – thru VBS, thru seminars/education, thru missions, thru financial support

4. a heart for hospitality & fellowship – strong friendships, building community, opening his home up, and making that a safe space for people to hang out in. I was often amazed that people would disappear into the 807-310 black hole and stay there all day long, perfectly content to watch tv & eat & make fun of each other.

5. a heart for bonnie – Once upon a time, I tried my hand at snowboarding on a CCFC ski trip. The instructor didn’t really teach us how to stop though. Nevertheless, Bonnie and I decided to “get our money’s worth” and try a green hill after the beginner’s lesson on the bunny slopes. Worst…idea…ever! Bernie came with us to provide moral support even though he could’ve continued skiing with the “good people.” It was a complete disaster, a total yard sale the entire way down! Every 50 feet, we’d gain momentum, crash out of fear, collect everything that had flown off (hats, jackets, gloves, scarves, snowboard, boots, etc), emotionally re-group, and then do it again. Over and over and over again, all the way down the frickin’ long-ass mountain. I vividly remember feeling completely isolated and realizing there would be no way to make the experience any less painful. Bernie really couldn’t do anything to help, but he waited patiently and he just stuck by Bonnie’s side. Every time she crashed, he was right there to help pick up the pieces.

That kind of epitomized to me the love they had for each other. Very patient. It’s weird how it reversed and during Bernie’s very very very very long crash course down the Behcet’s mountain, there wasn’t much that Bonnie could do to prevent that painful journey, but she just stuck by his side all the way down.

6. a heart for making smart investments – not just in terms of how he managed his money but more specifically, pouring into those he saw potential in. helping them to grow, discipling them, encouraging them, teaching them. I benefit from this daily as I’ve had the privilege to see so many of these folks grow and really come into their own over the last 9 yrs.

I’m so thankful for Bernie, for his investment and faithfulness to his community & friends. I’m also saddened by the loss that those closest to him have sustained — losing a spouse, a best friend, a brother, a best man, a groomsman, a bball player, etc. Why it worked out this way is unknown. But knowing Bernie, he’s probably setting up shop and preparing a crazy 807-310 space for his crew.

Jason was right — Bernie always knew where he was going and knew how to get there. Here’s a guy who didn’t waste any time arguing or dawdling or struggling with that fact either. He just dove in and gave it 200%, literally would’ve given away everything he had if he could have. Hedged all of his bets on God. And all I know is that he totally blew his 32 years on earth out of the water — raised leaders, transformed lives, shaped a church, and left the kind of impact I can only hope to leave one day.

Rest in Peace, Bernie.
And from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

What can be said about the only man who ever called me an egg (white on the outside but Korean on the inside) without offending me?

My favorite memory of Bernie is of our spring break trip during my senior year/his junior year. Bernie, Bok Choi, Patrick and I all piled into Soong-Chan’s car to spend the week in Maryland and Washington D.C. While many of the details are blurred at this time, the snapshots remain vivid:

• Bernie and Soong-Chan eating fried calamari at my dad’s restaurant like there was no tomorrow.
• Watching the movie Babe one night (yes, the one with the talking pig) and wondering why Bernie was laughing so hard.
• Walking through a statue garden while posing like Greek gods with Bernie in front of ALL of them.
• Visiting Lily Hong on the way home and hearing Bernie exclaim, “I didn’t know your dad was the captain of a ship!” I looked over at the huge Cadillac in her driveway and busted out laughing.

Of course we all know that Bernie was as deep as he was humorous. I always appreciated Bernie’s openness and honesty whether he was sharing about his unrequited love for Bonnie, struggles in his desire for holiness or eventually, the joy of winning Bonnie’s heart. In his transparency he set a standard of healthy vulnerability that I’m still trying to emulate. As I write this I’m experiencing a great tension between my grief at the loss of Bernie’s life and my great longing for the day that I will see him again – in the flesh. I trust that over the course of time, by God’s grace, the former will lessen while the latter increases.

As I was planning out what to say today, I was trying to remember good stories and major events, a logical place to start. Instead, I found myself recalling vignettes and images—thoughts about the little things. I realized that for me, remembering Bernie isn’t about the highlights, the major events, the “special” times–though certainly there were a fair number of those. Rather, it’s about the familiar, the day-to-day. Probably in part, because that’s who Bernie was. Not flamboyant, but steady and focused.

During those many years we lived together, here’s what you’d see: each day at work, Bernie would have a morning snack of a pop tart and a cup of hot chocolate. Lunch would be the sandwich he had made the night before consisting of a sub roll, meat, and iceberg lettuce, with a side of Pringles. Dinner included meat and starch; vegetables were definitely not present. Walking into his bedroom, you’d see the hats hanging evenly spaced along the wall, stuffed animals arranged on the bed, and the bookshelf, with books neatly aligned. Then, there was his closet, of which he was justifiably proud. Up top were one stack of sweaters, another of sweatshirts. Hanging were his many suits, evenly spaced, and his dress shirts neatly arranged by color.

This is not to say that Bernie was boring, by any stretch of the imagination. Indeed, the most entertaining thing for me was watching Bernie and Bonnie’s relationship develop. There was early on, when Bernie hadn’t quite made his intentions overt—watching him clearing schedule to give Bonnie a ride home from her meeting on campus each week. You know, I’m not quite sure if his interest in pro wrestling was genuine, or if it was a convenient thing to watch while waiting for the time to pick up Bonnie.

And, when they finally got together, watching the burst of activities Bernie planned, such as taking Bonnie out for a row on the Charles. Then, watching such activities fade away after he realized they weren’t sustainable or necessary. Rather, in character with who they are, were their regular Valentine’s day dinners at McDonalds.

Bernie led a holistic life, with his interests and passions all melded together. Of course, it starts with his faith in Jesus firmly at the center. Add to that, he loved playing basketball, loved the world of finance, loved building community. And he found so many ways to bring all of that together. Within the first couple of months he was at CCFC, he created and led a basketball camp for urban youth, as well as his to be trademark financial stewardship seminars. Add to that leading the men’s group, being the church treasurer, the sports missions trip he went on, down to little things like the soda fridge we had in our living room, ready to offer a cold drink to anyone who dropped by our place. Bernie loved serving God and serving others with everything he had.

In the end, what I will miss is the familiarity of having Bernie around, beginning with all the time we spent in KCF exec meetings together, to lying on our couches watching TV; trying to remember the name of that really bad movie we didn’t know why we sat through, the Ford Explorer which we all knew really was purple, but could not get Bernie to acknowledge, to the smoothies and Hawaiian shaved ice he so enjoyed making, to him sitting in his seat at the right rear of the church sanctuary.

Shalom, Bernie.